excuses, excuses, excuses...

he's just not that into you if he's doing the following:

• not calling you
• not dating you
• not having sex with you
• having sex with other people
• disappearing on you

i don't know why D had to buy a fucking book to realize this, but hey, as long as she got it, we're cool...

*K*

i get it, ok? i do. i've made excuses for men because i've desperately wanted one in my life to love me, to care about me, to make me feel complete. i truly thought that a man could fill a void in me... well, he literally can, but i'm not referring to knocking boots, folks.

so, after many unsuccessful dates, "perfect" guys doing 180s and countless excuses made for these douche bags, i had to remind my self of the following:

"Excuses are monuments of nothingness.

They build bridges to nowhere.

Those who use this tool of incompetence,

seldom become anything but nothing at all."

i meditated on this for a long time. an excuse is just a big fanciful explanation for why someone wasn't all that into me. i had put them atop a pedestal of pretexts - "he's just too busy for me right now," "he's recovering from his break-up," "he doesn't want to settle down right now," "blah blah blah" - and once i stopped making excuses, the tower crumbled, and the poor guys plummeted into non-existence. neat little trick, huh?

making excuses never got me anywhere with these men except for heartbroken, teary-eyed, and with no urge to eat for days. i was a fool for listening to their sappy stories and an even bigger fool for believing them. and i refuse to be a court jester any longer.

i've been wasting these good looks and quick wit on these jerks for far too long. so after much research, and Katya's low tolerance for bullshit, i've come up with solutions for the aforementioned issues.

1. if he's not calling, follow the "3-strike" rule: if you have attempted to contact him three consecutive times and he has not returned the call, simply delete his number and erase him from memory. he's obviously not thinking about you enough to call you or return your calls, so why would you waste your time thinking about him?
   
2. if he is not officially dating you, for whatever reason (wants to keep his options open, doesn't want to be in a committed relationship, doesn't believe in committed relationships, whatever), look yourself in the mirror and assess your level of "fabulosity." if you find that you are pretty fucking fabulous (which i'm sure you will), then don't invest any more time in someone who would rather you be an option than a priority.
   
   **NOTE** if he's dating/married to someone else, don't waste time thinking he's going to leave her to be with you. if he's cheating on her, what makes you think he won't cheat on you?
   
3. if he's not having sex with you, i urge you to call up a "relationship enhancement" consultant, gather some of your best girlfriends, make some killer martinis, and prepare yourself to make an investment in the best the best relationship you'll ever have - the one you have with YOURSELF. may i recommend B.O.B (the Battery Operated Boyfriend) from pure romance and pack of rechargeable batteries... it's divine.
   
4. if he's having sex with other people, read solution #3. i've been in this situation several times. the most recent time this occurred, the man in question was intimate with someone else hours (not days, not weeks, but hours) after he had been intimate with me. it's never fun to learn that the person getting up close and personal with your goodies is doing the same with someone else's - lord knows where those goodies have been, or if they're even "good" anymore (yuck!). then there's that awkward period where you have to wait for your test results, hoping and praying that nothing defiling has entered into your precious temple. once you find out that your partner has been banging someone else, CEASE AND DESIST from sleeping with him, make an appointment at the clinic, and buy yourself a B.O.B... that can do more than a man ever could, anyway (unless you're into that whole cuddling and spooning business). when you're done with it, it doesn't talk, it doesn't argue, it doesn't snore. it just goes into its drawer and sleeps until you're ready for it again. B.O.B=best boyfriend EVER!!
   
5. if he's disappeared on you, follow the solution listed in #1. i sat and waited and waited on a man to come home from abroad. after months of not hearing from him, i heard he moved back to his home town and found himself a new girlfriend. houdini forgot about me in the midst of his disappearing act. i found no reason in wasting time craving his attention when he had no intention of giving it to me.

i don't want to hear anymore excuses from men. i don't want to hear women making excuses for their men. stop talking about and be about it, people. it's not rocket science. it's about having common sense and knowing your self-worth.

~D~