a new perspective

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

yeah, yeah. i know i haven't said anything in a long time, but i haven't had much to say... until now.

the new year has brought a new perspective. i was introduced to the concept of a pair and a spare. as the theory states, a single gal should always have three guys in her dating rotation. with one, she goes on adventures with - hiking, kayaking, camping, rock climbing, traveling, etc. with another, she shares cultural experiences - plays, museums, 5-star restaurants and what not. the third serves as a pinch hitter, especially on those late nights, if you know what i'm saying. clearly, the first two would be her pair and the final, her spare. the three may be interchanged: pairs can become a spare and vice versa. one could be dropped and replaced with someone new. but, until she meets the one who appeals to her adventurous side and her intellect, as well as incites her lustful desires, she is to remain single with her three man rotation.

this got me thinking. in my dating repertoire, who fits where? let's begin with my pair, shall we?

Anatolii hails from the pj's. Somewhat rough and rugged, he enjoys, running, hiking, beer and sports. he's quite the movie buff and very giving. he's a handsome, doting father to a little girl who is a character to say the least.

but (of course you expect the "buts" coming from me), he's needy. he PMSs like a bitch. he throws 3 year old tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. his kisses make my stomach churn and his touches are passionless. needless to say, the lust factor is non-existent. did i mention he can't dance? oh. and his kid is nightmare. she has no manners and is allowed to run a muck whenever she wants to. oh, the joys of dealing with a weekend father...

the second of the pair i guess could be considered Fillipp. he enjoys the finer things in life: amazing restaurants, great wine, so on and so forth. he spoils me without asking him for anything. he goes above and beyond to make me smile. total sweet heart.

but he drinks too much. he parties too hard. he forgets who he is. romance and seduction is not a part of his vocabulary. when it comes to that department, he's actually more of a child than anything else. never having had a serious relationship, he doesn't understand what it's like. D feels the need to protect him from himself, like Wendy protects her brothers and the Lost Boys.

and now, on to my spare. a lovely bloke named Andrei, he's a war vet. a brave soul. handsome as can be. green eyes, tan skin, beautiful smile. the first time he and I had a romp in the sheets, we had a blast. very casual, very relaxed. completely and totally NSA.

and though he was good and bed, he is by far not the best. scheduling is always an issue, and with my lack of effort for just "good" it never seems to work out. he has two kids, who he sees on the weekends. he's had a vasectomy, so there goes D's dream of having a family. and though the small talk is ok, it's not quite the deep conversations D and i love to have. oh, and did she mention the PTSD from war? Yeah, that throws a wrench in the mix too.

so let me give you an example of what i would like. Remember Konstantin and "the fence"? Well, the more i straddled that fence, the more i felt the deep urge to straddle him (we lust for him, we can't help it. thinking about it makes my lady parts tingle). he just does something to me... yes, we are still free to do as we please. the only problem is that he lacks persepctive. he can't separate what his (dick) head wants from what his heart desires. it's hard for him to accept things "as is". however, K and i are both happy with him. he understands both of our needs, wants and deep desires and is incredible at bringing them into fruition (often times, all at once and multiple times a day). he gives us that temporary BFE, an oasis of passion, lust, deep connection and comfort. i crave him. i can admit that. and though he may not openly do the same, he craves me just as much. but he also is still battling with that inner need for "playboy" status. and i don't mind. i don't pressure him, since i am not his and he is not mine. with him, i'm patient and kind. i don't envy his play things (because who envies mediocrity?), i don't boast about mine, nor i let my pride get the best of me. when it comes to our conversations, i'm not rude, nor am i self-seeking. i don't anger easily anymore. and i have no desire to bring up his wrongs (we want him to be a better man, not a broken one). i'm not afraid to be 100% truthful with him. though sometimes, he isn't as honest with me, i understand it's because he wants to protect me. i wish he'd realize that he has my trust (more than anyone else has gotten out of us, that's for sure). i have high hopes for him becoming the man he's always wanted to be. and i will constantly persevere to be there for him in the best of my ability in whatever capacity he feels comfortable with.

why i'm so flexible and understanding with him, i don't know.

but, i sure do love seeing how flexible we can get... if you know what i mean.

~D~ & *K*