the birth of a villaness

al·ter e·go - noun

1. a second self; a perfect substitute or deputy
2. an inseparable friend
3. another aspect of one's self

i am a multi-faceted creation; born from a place of weakness to provide inner strength. many may think that i just popped up out of nowhere, but truth be told, i've always been with D, gestating within her soul.

it all began when we were just tots. i would sit on one shoulder, she in her pink dress, i in my red, and that other twit on her other shoulder in the white (i never did like her much). i was the one who convinced her that hunting for tadpoles in the creek was fun, especially when looking as fabulous as she did in those mountains of rose colored ruffles and white patent leather mary janes. afterwards she looked like a minature rosie the riveter - a perfectly polished adventurer who could do it all. the seed had been planted.

i really began to take form when we were in our teens. that was a very tumultuous time for us. D was in a world of darkness, hurt and fear. she thought no one could love her just as she was. she never saw herself as i did - a simple beauty. she mistook the gorgeous undulating hills of her body as a fat, ugly waste of space. some feigned interest in her, but they only ended up crushing her fragile heart. one touched her in places she never should have been touched - i gave her the courage to speak up, even though no one believed her. one left bruises on her flawless skin, then tried to make it up to her by spouting out sweet nothings while taking her love from her against her will - i gave her the courage get up and leave the stupid mother fucker.

then she found "he who we do not speak of," the one man on the planet who could hear me, so he made it a point to shut me up. he did so by promising her a solid future in the form of a ring and a new name. all the while he'd never express his "undying love" to her physically. instead, he ignored her desires as a woman, forced her to be june cleaver reincarnate, and still proceeded to have love affairs with people she thought she could never compare to (read: star tennis player, up-and-coming model, and his xbox). he left her just before the holidays in the middle of the night with nothing, not a fucking dime, to her name. she had no where to go. no one to turn to - except for me, of course. that very night, i helped her find the strength to wipe her tears away and fall into a deep sleep, convinced that the sun would still rise in the morning, bringing a the beginning of a new stage in her life. she never cried for that asshole again.

a few days later, D stood in front of the mirror just as she was brought into the world. she stared at herself, analyzed every curve, every scar, every birthmark. she examined her face until it was just a canvas with evenly placed shapes. as she lost herself in the reflection, i felt it was time for me to burst out of the womb i had been contained in for so long. it was time for me to show D how the rest of the world saw her, whether she wanted to see it or not.

the conquests began soon after. i found a passion for hunting out my prey. the men i would meet would think they were seducing a naive little thing. behind the sweet face, charming voice, and sparkling eyes, was an animal ready to pounce, tear to shreds, and leave for the scavengers. because, in all honesty, they may as well be considered scraps after i'm done with them...

i met this fellow and all was well, until he decided to fall off the face of the earth. D was hurt by the silent rejection. i was out to seek revenge (i can't stand seeing her cry; it's heartbreaking). i knew he would call again - they always do - but this time, i was in attack mode.

he asked for a late night rendez-vous and i obliged, rushing to prepare my lair. seduction was far too easy. making him succumb to my will was like child's play. getting him to stammer truths between heavy breaths about why he disappeared (because he reconciled with his ex girlfriend) was like taking candy from a baby. i had him where i wanted him. his will was nothing to my natural drug and he quickly became addicted and greedy for more. at that point, it was a done deal. he had reached his peak and was feeling the best high he'd ever feel in his life. while he was still trying to regain his composure, i began the "clean-up process." i stealthily deleted my number from his cell phone and placed it back in his jeans. i gathered up his clothing in a neat little pile. then i proceeded to toss them out of my front door with these last words, "you've served your purpose. i'm done with you. you're dead to me. get out." i wonder what rehab was like...

soon, it hit me. i was like the black jaguar - agile, always on the prowl, solitary in nature. i am a beautiful creature who can be man-eater when provoked. i am everything D thought she could never be. i am her courage. i am her strength. i am the little devil on her shoulder. i am her inner wild child. i am her closest friend and the one who loves her most.

i am Katya.